Why be nice?

To preface, we will take a very shallow dive into where I derive my sense of self.

Once upon a time, I was not nice. I was not kind in the genuine endearing manner that you would expect from a “good” person. I was nice enough if I had to be. I was always the smallest and always the youngest, in school, in my friend groups, I was always the weakest. What this means was I found out very fast that the only way I can survive, per say, was if I could capitalize on what I had available to me. I was the smart one, and I was friendly with everyone. No one had a reason to dislike me, so I protected myself from bullying and having to face my insecurities. But being nice was a self-defense mechanism, not a personality trait.

If you ask me if you (yes, you reading this) should be nice, I would say yes. The reasons for this are plentiful. Being nice to others feels good, being nice is an opportunity to foster and nurture new relationships that you may maintain for the rest of your life. You open yourself up to more opportunities and people think more highly of you (which feels good). Whether your intentions are vain, selfish, or greedy, it doesn’t make a difference. You’re actions to help others in need, to reward strangers with genuine compliments, to take time out of your day to listen to a stranger, a friend, a family member, donating to charity, to your local food pantry, it all makes the world a better place.

But maybe you are not trying to nurture your self-esteem or self-worth by helping others, maybe you choose the easy way out in life. Resorting to lying and cheating to give yourself an unfair advantage. It makes sense, look out for yourself, the more you lie and cheat, the better you get at it, so what if you have to step over a couple people. I could argue that game theory and human progress show that time after time, cooperation is the best strategy in the long term. You may benefit the most from cheating in life but the world becomes a worse place in the long run, especially as your negative actions influence others toward apathy and more negativity. The world is a better place when people work together, all of human progress came from humans cooperating. I have often leaned toward a utilitarian mindset. Utilitarianism is the belief that people should maximize the amount of pleasure in the world and minimize the amount of pain. We can spend all day arguing about whether the ends justify the means but I’m not here to debate ethics, I’m here to describe why I choose the be nice.

One day, I was probably in 9th grade or 10th grade, for some particular reason, I was having a bad day. This was not unusual, I wouldn’t say I was a moody teenager but I have always had the deep hurt and some days are worse than others. But before I continue I should introduce you to Janice (sure, let’s call her Janice). I didn’t really like Janice, she seemed vapid. But that wasn’t why I disliked her. In reality she was too perfect, too attractive, too many friends, popular, had it all. Sure, I was jealous and resented her because she would never give me a chance, which is fine because I don’t even like her because as I have established, she is superficial (or so I tell myself). On that particular day, I was feeling miserable, really miserable, and we were at lunch, and I grab my tray with my food, and I get to the end where you are supposed to pay and I don’t have any money. I usually ask my mom for more cash when I’m low, and worst case scenario I can afford to give the lunch lady $3 for the day’s lunch. On that particular day, I was out of cash. So what was I supposed to do? I left my food there, and I wandered back to my seat. I sat there, and I just wallowed in this feeling. I felt deep down I deserve this, I deserve to suffer the humiliation of leaving that food behind, I deserve to sit here and watch everyone else eat because I was too stupid to remember to ask for money, too stupid to keep $5 on me, I deserve this because I’m a bad person, this may as well happen, and I’m glad it is happening, because I deserve this.

Suddenly, I hear a voice behind me. It was Janice and her friend. They were behind me in line, and Janice had paid for my lunch, and I will never forget that disbelief, I will carry that moment with me for the rest of my life. Nothing else happened outside of that. They handed me the tray, I said thank you, I ate my lunch, and life went on. I never spoke to Janice again, I never got to tell her that I’m a better person now. That I appreciate and understand that sometimes you have bad days, and sometimes life gives you an opportunity to help someone else at a cost, with no benefit to yourself. And maybe the recipient of your grace will appreciate it, maybe they aren’t grateful. But Janice didn’t buy me lunch because she wanted recognition, she didn’t want a thank you, I like to think she was trying to make the world a better place.

If you are reading this, I hope you are doing good, and if you are not reading this, I hope you are doing better.

If you enjoyed my post, prove you’re human and leave a comment. Let me know what you want to read next. Likes and views are always cool but if you can prove you are not a bot that would make my day. Next post I will tell you about the smartest question I have ever been asked.